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Amanda's Delilah Dilemma

March 6, 2018

This Delilah Dilemma is from Amanda, who has a friend she talks to everyday who has a crush on her,only she's not “Crushing” back. She doesn't feel an attraction and says,"I don't want to hurt him because I know he has been hurt in the past" 

Delilah:  Amanda, leaving him to believe that you want a relationship is going to hurt whole lot more than if you are just honest.  If you're talking every day and you clearly have a good friendship, you need to feel comfortable in that friendship to set boundaries and say, “ I know that you are “Crushing” I know that you are attracted to me and I'm flattered, but I don't feel the same way.   I don’t have the same level of attraction.  It's OK to say that.  It's OK to be honest.  It's not OK to put yourself in a relationship that you don't want,  just because you don't hurt somebody.  That’s really crazy.   I know young girl who married a man that she didn’t want to marry, just because she didn't want her to his feelings, and on her wedding day, she told me she did not want to marry him, and 10 years later they are still married and she still doesn't want to be with him.  So she is killing herself, hurting herself because she was afraid of being honest.   So getting into a relationship that you don’t want to be in Amanda, not a good idea!  Leading someone to believe that you care about him in a romantic way… not a good idea.  Being honest and saying I really cherish our friendship and enjoy talking to you, but I don't feel the attraction to you as a boyfriend.  That’s your best bet.  And yes, that will hurt him for a little while,  but not nearly as bad if you don’t set those boundries.  Good luck and God bless you -D

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